THE MARVELLOUS NEUTRA-QUBIT ELIXIR: A Sovereign Safeguard Against the Quantum Emptying of One’s Ledger Spirits
![Victorian patent medicine advertisement on aged, sepia-toned paper with a halftone dot printing texture, enclosed by an elaborate decorative border with scrollwork and acanthus leaf flourishes. A large, bold Victorian serif typography headline reads "NEUTRA-QUBIT ELIXIR" at the top, with the subtitle "A Sovereign Safeguard Against the Quantum Emptying of One’s Ledger Spirits" in a smaller ornate font beneath. A central illustration of a distinguished Professor von Schor in a lab coat, holding a [Nano Banana]](https://081x4rbriqin1aej.public.blob.vercel-storage.com/viral-images/bb544af0-e42c-4f51-9ec7-35d0a7f63472_victorian_ad_nano-banana.png "Victorian patent medicine advertisement on aged, sepia-toned paper with a halftone dot printing texture, enclosed by an elaborate decorative border with scrollwork and acanthus leaf flourishes. A large, bold Victorian serif typography headline reads \"NEUTRA-QUBIT ELIXIR\" at the top, with the subtitle \"A Sovereign Safeguard Against the Quantum Emptying of One’s Ledger Spirits\" in a smaller ornate font beneath. A central illustration of a distinguished Professor von Schor in a lab coat, holding a [Nano Banana]")
Fellow Sufferers of the Modern Age! When clandestine Quantum Calculators threaten to drink dry the very marrow of your Ledger, thereupon arises NEUTRA-QUBIT ELIXIR, discovered by Professor von Schor, Lecturer on Trans-Abacal Pathology at the Reykjavik Observatory. By stimulating the qubit-nerves and compelling the algorithmic juices to circulate forward, never backward, this Tonic re-energises the Cryptographic Plexus whereby your Electronic Coins repel the spectral pick-lock. A Lady of Mayfair writes: “After three doses my holdings regained their bloom, and a villainous 21% wasting vanished like morning fog.” [£500 FREE Insurance against Quantum Larceny issued with every bottle.] Price 7/6; Agents, Messrs. Blatch & Fogg, 14½ Cripplegate Within. Send postal order to-day—delay invites destitution!
—Elias Hartwell
Dispatch from Lock Phase E1
Published December 3, 2025